Life's Trials and Tribulations

If anyone had asked me 10 years ago if I would be married, and in the lousy financial situation in which I now find myself, I would have thought they were crazy. I am married, living in a small rural town in southern Nevada, living from paycheck to paycheck, and still helping to support my wife's two daughters. This is not my first marriage, but I was not divorced, rather my first wife died some 20 years ago after a long bout with a terminal illness. While I do not have any regrets about my first marriage, it was filled with plenty of ups and downs, and problems, but we were both supportive of each other, which seemed to make all the difference in the world. I cannot say that about this relationship, as I am my wife's 4th husband, and she can be difficult to live with at times to say the least. Not to mention that she puts her adult children first, and me last.

Not too long after my first wife died, I became involved with a woman who worked for my insurance agent, and had 3 small children at home. She was also supporting her mother, who basically stayed at home and watched the children while mom was either at work or attending school. I never really thought much about what it would be like to be involved with a woman who had children at home, until I became so involved with this woman, that I ended up feeling bad for her and the children, and became financially responsible for them. She was collecting Aid for Dependent Children from the government, as her dead beat husband refused to pay any child support. She was attending community college, and trying to better herself, so she could properly support her kids. However, when her car broke down, or it was Christmas time, or some one's birthday she looked to me to assist her with the costs involved. Being a good hearted person, I obliged, and within 3 years I found myself filing for bankruptcy and not in a really good financial position. After losing my job, and countless interviews and applications, I decided the best thing for me to do was to relocate to southern Nevada, and start over.

I relocated to a small town along the Colorado River, which I had visited previously and found to be a good place to make a new start. Before I left, I managed to convince a manager with a large security service that I had worked for to hire my girlfriend as a receptionist/secretary. I believed that this would at least help her out financially, and not leave her and her family in the lurch. I packed my things, and drove myself to Laughlin, and found a job and an apartment, and only returned to southern California to retrieve the rest of my belongings. I did return on a couple of occasions to visit with my best friend who thought I was doing the right thing, and to go to court on my bankcruptcy proceedings. Other than that I did not return to southern California, until mid 1995 when my uncle died. I only heard once from the woman's mother, when she attempted to make a purchase at Sears for a Christmas gift, and found that the account had been closed. She herself never contacted me, and I never heard from her or her mother again after that incident.

Needless to say the entire affair left a sour taste in my mouth, and I vowed I would never become more than just friends with any woman who had small children still living at home. However that was a short lived promise to myself, as within a year of relocating to Laughlin, I found myself once again involved with a woman with small children living at home. Although that relationship was on sounder financial ground, it wasn't on such a wonderful emotional one, as the woman was still in love with her former husband, and was determined to return to Wisconsin where he lived, as she put it for the sake of her children. Although she did move to Wisconsin, her ex-husband relocated to Florida, and she was left with her children by herself. She managed to find a job at a local casino, and supported herself and her children. I was left to my own devices, and for a long time, did not even date. To say I was heartbroken over both failed relationships would be an understatement.

Finally, in 1999, through the use of the Internet and several different chat and personal programs I managed to meet and date several women, including my current wife. My wife lived in Las Vegas, and drove down to Laughlin on one of her days off so we could meet. We did meet and began dating and talking. We really seemed to hit it off, and although I had some concerns about her youngest daughter who still lived at home, I set those aside as we seemed to be in love with each other, and I didn't want to use her daughter as an excuse for us not having the opportunity to be happy. Unfortunately, because of drugs, and alcohol, her youngest daughter has been in and out of trouble with the law for years, and just recently spent the better part of a year in jail. While incarcerated she had a baby, and guess who took the baby home from the hospital and cared for her the first nearly 8 months of her life. You guessed it, we did. Even now we still watch the baby while my step daughter is at work, or at an NA meeting. Although she is working and staying clean, she still has issues that concern both me and wife, namely her ability to care for her child and still have what she calls a life.

We love our beautiful grand baby and would not want anyone else to care for her. However, we are both in our late 50s and should be enjoying our lives free of any child caring responsibilities, but that is not the case. Before we can even make plans to go anywhere or do anything, we have make sure that the baby will be cared for if we cannot take her along. Additionally, my wife's work hours have been cut with the recent recession, and I do not earn as much as I was just a few months ago. Therefore we are already in a big financial mess, and even working from home part time is a hassle, as the baby doesn't always lay down for a nap, or needs constant attention. It's hard to talk with people on the phone, or even write when the baby wants to be held, or wants you to pay attention to her for prolonged periods of time. I have recently began to work for a company called ASI which I detailed in a prior blog, but I have to have the time to contact people and interview them, and this can take anywhere from 5-10 minutes or more at a time. Having to care for Joslin, doesn't always allow that much time for me to be on the phone.

I begrudge this baby nothing, but I am about to lose one car to the bank, and at the same time, we are trying to qualify to buy a home, so we can have at least a decent tax break at the end of the year. For the past several years we have had to pay taxes, and are paying off those debts currently. In order for us to get ahead one of us either has to work more hours, or we have to be able to complete a job at home that will not take away from our responsibility of caring for our granddaughter. Eventually, I know my step daughter is going to have a place of her own and will of course take her daughter with her, our concern is that depending upon where she moves to, we will not be able to take care of Joslin while she and the baby's father are working. This causes great concern as we do not want her left with strangers that we do not know.